It’s funny how one minute you’re constantly hanging out with same group of people and then suddenly with swift of the knife you wonder “where did that go?” I think we all have our share of friendships that ended badly and others just dissipating over time. This particular one came to me as a complete shock and disappointment.
It began with an email to him about his self righteous and condescending attitude towards me. I began with how I appreciate his friendship and enjoyed our conversations that we had. I enjoyed listening to him talk about politics, life, and how he was building his ideologies during this period of time. However, there were moments where I felt he was patronizing me to the point he was being evangelical about these discussions. Our debates wasn’t a debate. It was him pushing down his own ideologies down my throat. When I tried to bring up something I read to add to our conversation, he constantly interrupted me as if his voice matter more than mines. He even insulted my knowledge of “economics” because “I learned it at a university” as if his best friend was Karl Marx. All of a sudden things just felt sexist as he was mansplaining me whatever it was in his contemplative mind. There were moments where I stopped listening because I didn’t want to add more fire to the flame knowing that it would cause more agitation.
Then I had to stop him completely because he was going overboard with his attack on my intelligence. I do not need a man to tell me what I lack in knowledge in order to be more “worldly”. I’m “worldly” in my own rights. I may not know everything there is about the various spectrum of life, but I always come to these topics of discussions with an open mind.
I was expecting an email ether to refute or apologize for his behavior. Instead I saw that he unfriended me on facebook. I was in complete shock and utterly disappointed. He went on and on about understanding how the world is interconnected yet he just dissolved our friendship just like that without even engaging dialogue with what I said. It just shows that my opinion doesn’t matter.
After coming back from my brief trip to California, I just thought about a couple of friends who have been shifted to a different friendship category over the past couple of months. Partly it was because I was busy with work, they were, or both. Maybe we outgrew each other without realizing it. It’s a bit sad to see them on a different level wondering how some of them swiftly changed while others gradually did. Deep down inside I prefer it this way because I felt that shift. It’s not to say that our friendship will never bounce back the way it used to because it can, but for now it’s there.
It was the end. Maybe not the very end, but 'an' end.
Every city has their ups and downs. The longer you visit, the more downs you start to notice.
Mahler's Resurrection Symphony
The salad bed in our garden
A connection revisited