I was taken by surprise that this was shutting down after navigating to the page for the first time in Too Long. I remember contributing a small amount to Hitotoki on twitter, and loving the idea but feeling far removed. I remember being ecstatic when I learned of hi.co and was one of the first contributors here, though I fell off very quickly - I still hold the memory of first writing on here and falling in love with the platform.
I was talking about moving then. I still am, I guess. I had just moved to Seattle from Los Angeles to escape everything I thought I hated. I was inspired so badly to work in books/design like hi.co founder, Craig Mod, who’s been an inspiration to me since purchasing the first edition Art Space Tokyo. Then “Seattle turned on me,” or “I turned on it,” or “something like that.” I had went there in pursuit of a more artistic life. I was leaving retail to finish my Graphic Design degree, begin writing more, keep my Polaroid/medium format TLR/35mm on me. It was the first place I planned on moving to without wanting to leave.
But I began getting settled in for the “long haul,” compromised speaking my mind in my relationship and grew fed up with myself, stopped creating any art other than instagram, stopped being inspired to write (or forcing myself to dig for it). These things I thought were permanent were disappearing with my assistance. Moved from a place I thought I would stay; broke up with what I thought was my life partner, changed careers entirely, stopped communicating as much with family, shrank my friend group.
I’m back in Los Angeles. I’m experiencing the things I was too timid and unknowledgeable to enjoy or appreciate. I grew so much in the PNW. I’ve changed so much. I’m back here to be somewhere familiar with more struggle and forward momentum, planning the next stage of my life. It’s been hard, and I moved too soon. Maxed out credit cards, 50% wage cut, 30% expense increase, fighting to stay afloat; but I feel peace. “Life is Long,” I tell myself. I’ll figure it out.
I want to be here a year to “figure it out,” to figure myself out. I’ve grown disenchanted with the country and the idea of travelling to find “home.” I feel like maybe cities just aren’t for me after a decade of telling myself otherwise. I miss the slow paced life and grow nostalgic of Mississippi, then call my family there and get a reality check, starting at square one again. I’ve been on the West Coast longer than I was in MS, so where is “home” anymore? I’ve begun relating to older jaded characters whether than fired up protagonists in films & books.
& with the passing of hi.co, I feel a solemn resignation. A melancholic satisfaction. It’s a friend that I’ve had a part of my life in some form for a long time now. Everything keeps changing, and I don’t fight it or look for it these days. It’s been almost three years to the day since I last wrote on here, but knew I wanted to give a farewell.
Best of luck to everyone, and more importantly, thank you everyone. Life sure is funny.
Happy (belated) birthday, L.A.
Planet Fitness Downtown L.A.
California Science Center Blogging
Mac Arthur Park Crypto Jew Worship.
The days of the week always feel different. Sometimes, Thursdays feel like Fridays, and Sundays are too short.