She walked in but nobody noticed. She had bumped into someone on her way to put her stuff up who didn’t grant her the slightest acknowledgment; even though she’s sure she muttered excuse me as she tapped him while sliding through the small amount of room she was given to get by. It felt like she wasn’t even there. Everybody was doing their own thing with the rest of the world, and she was to stay in the spaces that weren’t taken. Strangely enough, she wasn’t bothered by any of it. By now she’s learned how to be alone in a room full of people.
She made her way back to the front. She worked the front counter, where the only people she was to pay attention to were the customers; which in turn were the only people who payed attention to her. She was the only one. She felt like she was put in the position she found herself in just to fill the empty spot no one else wanted. Again, she didn’t mind. Sure, she felt some sort of way about it, but you feel some sort of way about everything, and that doesn’t change anything unless you want it too.
She knew someone had to do what she was doing, or stand where she was standing. If it wasn’t her, it would be somebody else. But for now, they chose her, and this is where she found her meaning. Not the best job, but it was a job. A paying job. This was what she focused her motivation on toward her conscious decision to be okay with how things were. She needed to start saving up as quickly as she could. All the other places she applied: IHop, a daycare, Chickfila, the zoo, the aquarium, a couple Walgreens and a CVS, said they were only hiring in the summer. Right as she was about to give up she decided to “why not” it and go apply to the run down McDonald’s that was on the beach. And lucky her, she was hired that very day.
It had it perks- which she tried to focus on. She had met three dudes who could hook her up with some weed anytime she wanted it. (All three of them thought she was hot, but she was only interested in the weed, not the attention.) On her break she had sat in the back and enjoyed her free meal. One of the dudes walked up to her. “Dap me up.” She did so. He slid it in her hand and lowered his head to whisper even though no one was around.
“Just smell it. It’s dank.” He sat down in front of her. “You wanna go smoke with us?”
She looked at him questionably. “Where? I’m in uniform right now so I can’t get caught and I only have about fifteen minutes left.”
“The cult” he said, in a very dumb founded way as if he was shocked she didn’t already know that. “It’s right across the parking lot. You’ve got time girl, no worries.”The smile was sincere, but in the wrong way. As in he sincerely wanted to smoke with her and sincerely didn’t care if she got back late. She shrugged it off and thought nothing of it except a chance to take a few hits before clocking back in.
“Well let’s get going then.” Out the door they went. She had no idea where she was walking to but she carried herself in a way that didn’t resemble a lost puppy. It was around 7 p.m., and there was still a fair amount of people out on the beach. “Are you sure it’s safe to smoke out here near all these people?”, she muttered in a tone that she made sure showed more concern for her legal safety over anything else.
“I smoke out here all the time.” he said, while returning a smirk that proved he wanted to show that his rebellious decisions were just a part of his everyday life.
“You do something for so long,” she thought, “that you actually begin to believe it’s ok.”
I guess this is where it all starts.
That morning air.
She knew he was listening, but she also knew he was loving the chance to look in her eyes.