It’s funny how time moves you, not just into a future you never expected or a life you didn’t plan for, but how it utterly changes your view of the world, the things that touch your heart, or what you find to be relevant and meaningful.

I was big on saving things. Relationships, lost causes. It is a weary, lonely existence, trying to save people and things that have the power to save themselves. It plays into the nostalgic archetype of the savior, all fluttering capes and jutted jaws; stoic gazes and self sacrifice. It is a weary solitude that requires a belief bordering on self delusion - if not for me, what calamities would befall them all?

Zen doesn’t happen in a flash of enlightenment or a shimmering vision. It is, rather, more like a burst of tachyons that muddles your view of the past, present, and future, until it all melds into a single, liquid, nonlinear scheme. All is one.

As I look back on the year that was, it’s difficult to see the extremes. Perhaps because they don’t exist anymore and, unlike my convenient beliefs of years gone by, it’s likely a good thing that the rough edges have eroded. Life has become more about the others - the people, the causes, the missions that require a weary fortitude. Perhaps that’s why I haven’t written anything very well in such a long time.

It may be time to leave it all behind and find a life in which to start things entirely new.