I thought I always knew what I was doing, but I am clueless.

August 29th, 2015, 1am

Today I am sitting in a church that isn’t mine, thinking thoughts that my mind doesn’t go to.

My mind says that I have no idea what in the heck I’m doing or what I’ve ever been doing. Now, I don’t ever think this. Ever.

I am one of the most stubborn people you could meet. You are always wrong and I am always right and I will argue with you until you agree with me.

There are few things I will come around on. I will come around if I am obviously wrong, but only in secret, or if you are my closest friend.

I hate leaving my home church. It makes me angry when I miss Sunday’s because of family gatherings. But today my closest friend is in Missouri and I was willing to go to a church that I’ve been interested investing for a while.

I have never felt more welcomed.

I almost feel bad for liking a church more than my home church. But it gets me thinking; what if I’ve been wrong about everything? What if I haven’t experienced enough to have an opinion that means something?

For most my life, I’ve thought I would be a worship pastor. My mom is one and it just made sense to me. But recently it doesn’t make sense. The school I would go to would cost a fortune and I don’t have anyone living near there. I’m passionate about it but I don’t completely want to be in ministry.

I’ve thought about being an accountant or working at Apple and going to school for an electrical technician degree. More and more I think about, and I become more and more anxious and so scared for the future.

What am I missing? What am I passionate about? What should I be?

My opinions don’t have all the facts.

Jenna and David Wade said thanks.

Share this moment

Annalyn Valantine

INFP. An on-call photographer.

Create a free account

Have an account? Sign in.

Sign up with Facebook