I don't understand sports.

September 16th, 2013, 9am

I understand the social importance of sports. The theory of it, at least.

Sports are a modern iteration of our historical battles and territorial scuffles. A way to tribe-up and compete, with slightly less bloodshed and grunting and blind group-ism than you would have had a few thousand years ago. Slightly less.

What I don’t get is the interest in obsessing over something that’s so focused on constructing an artificial ‘us’ and ‘them’ from one of the most unimportant attributes a person can possess: their geographic location.

Like height or penis-length or the color of your skin, the place you’re born is one of the least brag-worthy things you could fixate on and define yourself by. You didn’t do a bunch of push-ups to get taller, and you didn’t work real hard in the womb to be born in Wisconsin.

As a result, rooting for a team of adults playing games — and taking those games so seriously, which are the same games children play for fun, by the way — as they represent your geographic region is the equivalent, in my mind, of cheering on a collection of grown men competing in tournament-level Tetris for the honor of their height class. “Go 5’10”ers! Crush those 5’11” bastards! Rotate! No, rotate left! Yeah! Drop the line! YES! TETRIS!”

The crowd goes wild.

Lia, Cassie, Jo, Craig and 5 others said thanks.

Share this moment

Colin Wright

Author, entrepreneur, and full-time traveler / I move to a new country every four months based on the votes of my readers / My work (http://colin.io) / My blog (http://exilelifestyle.com) / My publishing company (http://asymmetrical.co)

Create a free account

Have an account? Sign in.

Sign up with Facebook