Here I am…5 years old…being a complete rock star in my school uniform. I used it to make a Father’s Day card for my dad a few years back and last year he brought it back out to place on the mantlepiece. I had completely forgotten about it. I would like to go back to the innocence of this photo though. In the years since it was taken, such is life I have experience love and loss like most people I know. Though I count myself lucky that my strife has not been as bad as others.
There are times in life when the words above are used by the ones we love the most. They’re not meant to be cutting. They’re not meant to harm. They are meant to help us heal. To get over things.
Over the past few months I have come to know someone closely who is going through a long, drawn out grieving process. Quite often they are told to ‘get over it’ and ‘move on’ by people who care for them very much. Deep down I think they do know how loved they are by so many. However I know from experience that in the dark moments it can seem like a vacuum has taken all of the light out life and the voices of those who care get lost.
Watching them go through this has made me think about the grief process and the act of ‘growing up’ & ‘getting over’ things and I have come to this conclusion. DON’T. Don’t you dare grow up and don’t you dare get over this.
Now don’t think that I don’t want to see you happy again. Don’t think that I don’t feel and know that your heart can fill with the most sublime feeling of love and ecstasy again. However, there are certain things in life that we are not meant to get over. Broken heartedness will always be a part of our lives and it’s good. At least it shows we’re human. There are just as many things to cry about on a daily basis as there are to laugh about.
Rather find a way of coping. Coping with picking up the fragments. Wondering what the hell you’re doing and how on earth you’re going to get to where you want to be. It’s too big and difficult to get over things.
Don’t grow up.
Don’t get over it.
And maybe in the meantime, whilst you work out how to cope, read this poem by Lemn Sissay 1
If there was ever one Whom when you were sleeping Would wipe your tears When in dreams you were weeping; Who would offer you time When others demand; Whose love lay more infinite Than grains of sand.
If there was ever one To whom you could cry; Who would gather each tear And blow it dry; Who would offer help On the mountains of time; Who would stop to let each sunset Soothe the jaded mind.
If there was ever one To whom when you run Will push back the clouds So you are bathed in sun; Who would open arms If you would fall; Who would show you everything If you lost it all.
If there was ever one Who when you achieve Was there before the dream And even then believed; Who would clear the air When it’s full of loss; Who would count love Before the cost.
If there was ever one Who when you are cold Will summon warm air For your hands to hold; Who would make peace In pouring pain, Make laughter fall In falling rain.
If there was ever one Who can offer you this and more; Who in keyless rooms Can open doors; Who in open doors Can see open fields And in open fields See harvests yield.
Then see only my face In the reflection of these tides Trough the clear water Beyond the river side. All I can send is love In all that this is A poem and a necklace Of invisible kisses.
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