Grow up & get over it

March 22nd, 2014, 8pm

It was 7°C with few clouds. The breeze was gentle.

Here I am…5 years old…being a complete rock star in my school uniform. I used it to make a Father’s Day card for my dad a few years back and last year he brought it back out to place on the mantlepiece. I had completely forgotten about it. I would like to go back to the innocence of this photo though. In the years since it was taken, such is life I have experience love and loss like most people I know. Though I count myself lucky that my strife has not been as bad as others.

But still…

There are times in life when the words above are used by the ones we love the most. They’re not meant to be cutting. They’re not meant to harm. They are meant to help us heal. To get over things.

Over the past few months I have come to know someone closely who is going through a long, drawn out grieving process. Quite often they are told to ‘get over it’ and ‘move on’ by people who care for them very much. Deep down I think they do know how loved they are by so many. However I know from experience that in the dark moments it can seem like a vacuum has taken all of the light out life and the voices of those who care get lost.

Watching them go through this has made me think about the grief process and the act of ‘growing up’ & ‘getting over’ things and I have come to this conclusion. DON’T. Don’t you dare grow up and don’t you dare get over this.

Now don’t think that I don’t want to see you happy again. Don’t think that I don’t feel and know that your heart can fill with the most sublime feeling of love and ecstasy again. However, there are certain things in life that we are not meant to get over. Broken heartedness will always be a part of our lives and it’s good. At least it shows we’re human. There are just as many things to cry about on a daily basis as there are to laugh about.

Rather find a way of coping. Coping with picking up the fragments. Wondering what the hell you’re doing and how on earth you’re going to get to where you want to be. It’s too big and difficult to get over things.

Don’t grow up.

Don’t get over it.


And maybe in the meantime, whilst you work out how to cope, read this poem by Lemn Sissay 1

Invisible Kisses

If there was ever one
 Whom when you were sleeping
 Would wipe your tears
 When in dreams you were weeping; 
Who would offer you time
 When others demand;
 Whose love lay more infinite
 Than grains of sand.

If there was ever one
 To whom you could cry;
 Who would gather each tear
 And blow it dry;
 Who would offer help 
On the mountains of time;
 Who would stop to let each sunset
 Soothe the jaded mind.

If there was ever one 
To whom when you run
 Will push back the clouds 
So you are bathed in sun;
 Who would open arms
 If you would fall;
 Who would show you everything 
If you lost it all.

If there was ever one 
Who when you achieve
 Was there before the dream
 And even then believed;
 Who would clear the air
 When it’s full of loss;
 Who would count love 
Before the cost.

If there was ever one
 Who when you are cold
 Will summon warm air
 For your hands to hold;
 Who would make peace
 In pouring pain,
 Make laughter fall 
In falling rain.

If there was ever one
 Who can offer you this and more; 
Who in keyless rooms
 Can open doors;
 Who in open doors
 Can see open fields
 And in open fields
 See harvests yield.

Then see only my face
 In the reflection of these tides
 Trough the clear water
 Beyond the river side.
 All I can send is love 
In all that this is 
A poem and a necklace
 Of invisible kisses.


Christine, Chris and Adrian said thanks.

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Elisa Adams

Bad manners, my dear Gigi, have broken up more households than infidelity

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