There is not one inch of my body that doesn’t want a cigarette right now. There are chunks of time every day - they seem long when I’m experiencing them but are probably just moments among so many - that I spend thinking about how bad I want a cigarette. When I’m in public spaces I know every single smoker within a mile radius. The smell is deep in my clothes even after having been through the wash several times.
A while ago I got a prescription for that nicotine gum - which I had refused to do for so long because it meant acknowledging that I was addicted - and it just isn’t cutting it. See, with the gum you can’t wait for a craving to chew it, you have to time yourself and keep a low but steady flow of nicotine in your blood so the craving doesn’t creep up in the first place.
Physiologically, the most intense change I’ve been going through is a wicked sugar binge. It’s something about nicotine releasing stored blood sugar into your system and thus your body stops releasing it naturally. This evening after resolving that I wouldn’t smoke, the next thing I reached for was ice cream, sour patch kids, three bowls of cereal, and chocolate. Yeah, that was my dinner.
On a positive note, I ran ten miles a few days ago. Partly to mitigate this new diet I’m apparently on but also because I wasn’t out of breath like I otherwise would have been, and that’s usually what decides how long of a run I take.
Two weeks down, going on the rest of my life. Here we go.
Fleetwood Mac and Daft Punk
Ladybugs make good company
When the bright idea to drink hits you
Snowflakes look like snowflakes
A good night of sleep
They decided he died