I’ve been wanting a second tattoo since I got Lady Gaga’s autograph tattooed on my wrist at 18. I’m now 23, and of course I’ve had fleeting ideas, that come and go whether it’s because I dismiss it due to how painful it will be, or why I’ll regret it later in life, etc. But, I’ve come to this, it’s irrelevant if I’ll “regret” my tattoo later in life, in fact, I won’t and I know that. I see these permanent art pieces as markers of my life that aren’t digital, that can’t be erased, times I want to feel forever, or something that has deep rooted meaning to me.
I love Lana Del Rey, she’s my new Lady Gaga when I was 18 years old, I brought in a tube of lipstick to the tattoo shop around the corner where I had lived, with Lady Gaga’s signature on it and told the artist, I want that. He started to sketch, and as he sketched it out and made a stencil, I sat there shaking, holding my ex-best friend’s hand with my ex-boyfriend’s hand in the other. I remember my entire family begging me not to do it, “You’ll regret that.” all of them said, some more extreme than others. So as I sat there, I began to think, this is more than just about this woman I idolize, this is me marking a living chapter in my life. I couldn’t have been more correct.
This leads me right into why today, I got a Lana Del Rey lyric, “god is dead” tattooed on my right hand right next to Mother Monster’s signature. The two people that were with me the day I got my first tattoo, aren’t in my life anymore. Why? Religion. Religion has had such negative precedence in my life since I can remember. I don’t even want to begin to list the reasons but, from small to devastatingly large, God is dead to me, and yes, I love LDR but, she really has nothing to do with it. She is someone who has touched my life, yes. Made me not feel so alienated, yes. But, was anyone in that parlor with me today while the artist drilled into my hand with his needle? No.
I will forever see the juxtaposition of these tattoos, and remember exactly how I felt at these very different points in my life. I asked for some opinions online as I was debating in my head and after posting a crowdsourced request from a bunch of faceless strangers, I thought to myself, “No, fuck that I’m getting this because this is so meaningful to me.” Why the fuck should I care what someone thinks of the ink that will lay in my skin for the rest of my time? I’m tired of people worrying about, regretting tattoos, or anything for that matter. If a human being wants to do something, that isn’t hurting you then don’t do what they are doing if you don’t like it. Live your life. What risks have you taken? Are you happy? Are you as in touch with your feelings as I? I don’t know, I’m not the judge of that. But, look in the mirror and really think about what you see. I am fucking crazy, a loner, a drug addict, whatever you want to label me as, but I am free.
An open letter to you, and to the next person that comes along.
In the wake of enormous cataclysm, it hurts and then we forget....most of us.
melting but, pulsing like icicles during a mid-winter storm.
every night between three and four in the morning, just before the light shines through my window.
What no one tells you about Lana Del Rey and Codependence relapse in your twenties.
An open letter to the one his forever love.
I'm almost over midway through my twenties, and I'm more lost than I have ever been.
A swan was never meant and should never have to sing solo.
swans weren't meant to sing solo.