I got kicked off my porch today. Yeah, I know it sounds weird, me being kicked off my very own porch.

May 4th, 2015, 1am

I couldn’t believe it either. I walk into my home with only rejection holding my hand. The reason really isn’t that big though; actually it’s rather small. but its implications could have an enormous effect. I just can’t decide.

This is how it begins. I fall asleep sitting in the fat chair, which is also sitting on my porch. However, a single thought keeps tapping its boney finger on the back of my neck. So I eventually open my eyes. Only then do I catch a quick glimpse of a bird swooping low onto a porch a couple doors down. I don’t know why this is happening. I’m guessing karma. I always have a camera nearby.

The persistence of my grogginess calmly rubs at both of my eyes. an idea joyously pops up in my head and pokes awareness into my shoulder. I wonder if the bird is nesting down there, somewhere on the neighbor’s porch. I don’t even consider there’s nowhere for it to place an egg much less a nest so high up in the air. It doesn’t matter though. I have nothing else to do.

I’ll wander down there to see if I can get a decent shot, of anything. Yeah, I’m already bored and the summer hasn’t even started yet. This may be a tougher experience than I thought, sitting in the shade under the hot southern sky, with nothing else to do but think. This may actually be dangerous if I’m not careful.

And wouldn’t you know, as soon as I start to get up, my butt’s immediately pushed back down. I may have to reconsider this unplanned trip real quick. I make this decision in an instant. I’m still pondering though. I look up again. There is a perfect spot for a little nest after all. And there it is, there it is, right here on my very own porch.

I’m serious. I get excited. My naked eyes quickly weasel around, combing through the shredded portions of my trees. It’s not much of anything just yet, but no one’s home. They must be out foraging the woods.

There’s only a small clump of forgotten twigs sitting on a tight edge. I’d never seen the space up there before. I guess it never concerned me. It’s just an unused corner sitting all by its self on top of the columns; both of them. Now there’s a bird’s nest occupying one of the small spaces. How ingenious. I wonder if it’s really a smart bird or if it just got lucky.

“Hmmm, I have to be quiet.” I say all of this to myself in a low tone so I don’t disturb them; wherever them are. “Sneak back inside if the parents are going to have a chance to get anything done today.” I slowly stand up and take measured steps away. No need in alarming anyone regardless of where they may be.

the closing glass door interjects. hiding inside for fear i might scare someone away isn’t part of my summer plan . Actually, Mother Nature is trying to fly away with the only activity I have designated for the next few warm months. So I turn around and go right back outside and I sit back down in my big blue chair. That’s it. I’m not moving.

I’m not as brash as that may sound, but the birds know I was here before them.

It cries “Zeeeee-zeeee.” It cries louder “Zeeeee-zeeee.” The birds are yelling at me from next door. I can see them over my shoulder. Okay, he’s yelling at me. She’s just standing on the gutter with a crumple of grass pressed between her lips. I’m struggling. Man, I’m struggling. I’ve got to put my foot down. I’ve got to. then she pulls on my heartstrings when she lets the special pieces of her home she just picked out, fall down onto the vacant ground in defeat.

Wow! That isn’t fair. I wonder if she knows what she just did, pulling at my emotions like that…I just can’t decide. I’m still struggling.

I don’t want them spending all of their time and energy constructing a home, where they can’t live since I’ll be out there so much. So I stay right there. I’m not going inside. I’m going to stay in my blue chair and rock all night. Hopefully they’ll get the hint and change their address.

I know it sounds harsh, but I just did my good deed for the day, may the month. Better now than later, after they have to protect needy eggs, who’ll be helplessly laying there all by them self. Ewe. It’s a rock and a hard place for me. Yeah, I’m still weaving on my opinion.

Better to nip this in the bud though. And I’ve got to start now so it doesn’t start out wrong. But my heart quivers again. I feel sorry for the young couple. I’ll need to research them and see if I can find a gap to fit into.

Internet-911. I hop online. Eastern North Carolina birds. I’m flipping through the pages just trying to narrow it down. My middle finger’s eager however. It’s right clicking in a hurry, opening multiple thumbnails into another tab. One after the other, populating my monitor’s screen.

I now have a heavy stack of stubs cramming my browser. Time to sort through them. I start recklessly flipping the pages of pictures. I’m looking for a red neck and head. It’s not a vibrant cardinal though. It’s more of a soft hue. A nice and easy color I’d like to have lounging on a garden ornament.

My concentration stumbles. I look back. I flip forward a couple more times, and then I work my way back again. “Hmmm.” I think I have it. Could it be? Could it be? I need to find more information about them to decide.

It’s kinda funny now that I think about it. The debate about letting wasp build a nest right next to my front door no longer needs to be considered. I don’t know if they’re enemies or just not friends. But it seems as though, as soon as the House Finch’s nest showed up, the wasp went away. That’s right. The little beast with the spirit of a bull is gone. But not me. Not this time. I’m staying right here in my big fat blue rocking chair, all day and all night. It’s my porch to share.

I’m not giving up.

David Wade said thanks.

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joe hawkins

I am who I am. That's all I can be.

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