These thoughts are starting to consume me.
Good things are happening to me but all I can muster is self-destructive behavior. A whole lot of paranoid ideation.
Walking on the street? Jump in front of a car. Driving to pick someone up? Run into that pole. Meet family for dinner? Throw myself down the stairs.
These thoughts are normal as long as they’re not acted out - and they’re not. But the fact that I’m having them in a 9-1 thought-ratio is a problem.
My new year’s resolution is to think more positively. Using words and tones that exude happiness instead of utter dreariness. It is one of the main things holding me back as a person and I would like to start this new chapter of my life with full confidence.
Here’s to another great year!
Other moments in New York
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Espressoing
in New York, United States -
A few more days
in New York, United States -
Goodbye
A final Hi meeting
in New York, United States -
meditation, Creativity
The local neighborhood bar has a quiet time between six and nine. It is a place that specializes in coffee, beer and seasonal menus. There is just enough of each for a satisfying snack and effective buzz. After the time when the laptop lids close and before the social gatherings start -- there is a sort of twilight*. Often this time is a fugitive ground rife with creative inspiration and meditative work -- of the kind that results in personal reward.*twilight may refer to civil, nautical or astronomical variety depending on your social or terrestrial condition
in New York, United States -
Web, development
A man positions his mouse on the edge of his browser window. He clicks, holds and drags the viewport first left then right. The content of a video game promo micro site responds and adapts to the available space. To the man, this is more delightful than the game itself.
in New York, United States -
subway, music
A man laboriously moves his piano down three levels onto the subway platform. Classic vocals and strided chords -- he played so well I swore he was blind. Oblivious to the heat on that August stage, he was most in touch with his audience -- whom he elevated with his music.
in New York, United States -
Feminism
A woman should do exactly as she pleases no matter what a man may think.
in New York, United States -
Travel
As the Dalai Lama once said, "It is a time when there is much in the window, but nothing in the room."
in New York, United States -
stars, Grandma, Love
"No one understands me," she said. Her grandmother was silent for a minute. It seemed she was searching for an answer in the star speckled sky. "But no one understands anyone in this world, darling. We are all unique. It is what gives us a sense of wonder."
in New York, United States