I will never forget…
That sound that I constantly anticipated. The sound that preceeded his coming into the house. The sound of stamping his foot to clear the dust off his shoes.
That sound.. how I miss it… eventhough I don’t know how it sounds anymore. That thropping sound.
I always find myself thinking about him. And I wonder about so many things… I think about the sort of relationship we would have if he were still here.
I wonder about how we will relate and I wonder about how different things would be. He would have demanded more of me at every turn and I would have demanded more of him too or perhaps less… will depend on my disposition.
But I believe and somewhat know that it would have been a good relationship. It wouldn’t have been without pain or disappointment because he would have always surprised me.
What I would have enjoyed the most though, would be our intellectual talks. I would have enjoyed dishing out to him my subtle cocky questions.” What do you think you know abour life pops?”
I can imagine him, smiling and saying.. Silly you, I am your father,and I have read and written more than you have..
Perhaps I would have been more educated than he was …
And I would have retorted,Silly you Dad, I have met and spoken to more intelligent people than you have.
You lie son, I have met and known life longer and I can say he is a great teacher and none of your acquaintances can match its intelligence. And then he would have brought out his diary and read me a quote from my great grandfather….. and it would have continued….
You see this is not wishful thinking… I know the man very well.
I miss the man… I am nothing like him but so much as him….
Coming to terms with Loneliness
The going away of things
In the end
I can't seem to be optimistic about the things that would benefit from optimism. As a pessimist, my optimism is always irrational.
Fear of Forgetting
When I was a child, I realised I was invisible. I was a terrified, quiet girl who blended into the background.
Failure.We all have dreams, we are all encouraged to dream. The world is ours, all we have to do it take it.