An open letter to the one his forever love.

April 17th, 2016, 3am

It was 16.1°C. The wind was calm.

To the one he will love eternally,

This may seem odd, you may have heard of me, but if he is anything like he was when I knew him you probably haven’t. So let me first introduce myself, I’m the boy who taught him how to love truly and deeply. He’s the one who taught me how to love even deeper than I ever thought possible. It has been over four years, and the mere thought of the times I spent with him could crack this fucking world open.

I just want you to know how fortunate you are; he wasn’t always the way he is now. I had to push him, and try not to push too hard but, I think that was inevitable. This letter should in no way convey narcissism, and I just would like you to have an understanding of him of which he would never tell you.

The two of us were together just shy of a year, and it was without a doubt the happiest, and most exciting year my life will ever see. What comes up must come down, though, and when he left me, I came down, fucking hard. I broke every limb, and I still haven’t completely healed. I am not envious of you, nor am I angry. I was his stepping stone. I opened his eyes to the world he wasn’t entirely comfortable in yet. Even though he was 4 years older than myself, regarding emotional intelligence my heart was much more open than his.

As you are aware, he is a wondrous lover. His creative mind, his compassionate and empathetic disposition is intoxicating trust me I know. Beware, though, he will not vocalize when he is running low on emotional energy, as he did with me. I was so encapsulated by his intoxicating embrace when he dropped me on my head, not only was I left confused, I was left….alone. His warmth, his presence, his touch all gone in a matter of minutes. My heart still bends when I write of him.

Please treat him well, be wary of how he is feeling. Even if you sense you are being overbearing, you may want to ask him over and over if you genuinely observe an unusual sudden change in his behavior. He never wronged me, and I don’t blame him and never have for the way he left, his investment was suddenly larger than he initially expected and my return was overwhelming.

Get him to verbalize his inner dialogue. That is the solution to retaining the once in a lifetime love he provides. If he does ever say my name or casually bring me up, just nod your head and smile, knowing that the Butterfly Effect is a phenomenon of this life that’s rather overlooked. You may not be with my first love, and your eternal love had I not engaged his heart to play the emotional stock market.

As happy as I am for you, I miss him every day and I will forever.

My warmest wishes to the both of you,

The saudade boy.

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Henk Holveck

I'm just a twenty-something androgynous human. Taking everyday to learn and better myself.

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