How did it all happened so fast? All the games and the fights. All the immature jokes and the embarrassing moments. I would like to watch my younger self play with his friends. I would like to watch him cry, watch him grow, watch him make the same mistakes I’ve made. I want to be aware of myself in this moment, at this age, with this knowledge. I want to analyze my life, be an outstanding person, a bad liar, a better leader. I lost myself, I lost myself so bad I don’t know if I’ll ever come back from this state of comfort, and irresponsibility. I can’t fight against this waves, my paper boat is drowning inside the puddle. My shoes are soaked, my suit is ruined, my head is fucked. Now it’s just me and this monster. He was born after the little kid left me, and he grew up quickly. I can see him in the mirror now. He’s tall and slim, covered with my skin, he has my black hair, my large face and my crooked nose. He has my eyes, they look hollow like my soul and drained like my spirit. I’ve tried to kick him out, fight with all my strength, all in vain. He’s attached to my heart, if I rip it apart I won’t survive, I’m a coward waiting for no reason, afraid to die alone. Is life supposed to be like this? Do I want to be a leader, a role model? He speaks now, the words come out of his hideous mouth, but it’s just me… talking to myself again, thinking about how can I guide others, if I don’t know where I am.
A Beautiful Afternoon
The boy, a hero and the craven
Desperate for attention. Screaming, my vocal cords are about to give up
Sometimes a stranger is worth more than a thousand friends
I was fighting for the control of my voice. Trying hard to get my point across without yelling
Watching the dawn at San Jose International Airport, after arriving (accidentally) far too early for my flight. Now, reflecting.