There is a place in between…

In between the tangled sheets of one night stands and meeting someone who is it; a place between the thrill of the chase and creating a life with him. I’ve just arrived here and I’m not sure if my papers are in order.

I’ve spent my 20’s earning a PhD in commitment and traditional relationship structure. In the first half of my 30’s, I’m a professional in all the ways you can say goodbye and the varying shades of love affairs, one night stands —- any format you like as long as it has an expiration date. Recently, on two seperate occasions, I’ve sat across from what other wise would have been a thrilling partner in adult pleasures, fully aware of what is possible, I got up and walked away, relegating the oh so handsome him into just-friends. It seems we’ve reached the point of diminishing return.

Whether there is just one love of my life or several remains to be seen. I’m not fussed. If there is just the one, great, if I am lucky enough to end up with several, fantastic. He will show up when he is good and ready. That might be tomorrow, that might be ten years from now. Time is irrelevant in something as critical as your partner-in-crime. Except…what do you do in the mean time?

Celibacy is a terrible idea. Both for mental healthy and productivity …plus, its not that much fun. Naked fun time with unavailable men is quickly becoming a bad investment and if I keep at it knowing it is yielding little in return then I am stupid. I am no dummy. Which lands us here, this place, in-between.

This in-between place has no rules only shades of gray, endless nuances and a million ways to ask what-if.