I took bliss in ignorance and have ignored, if only for a few weeks, the pressures of the future and its definitions of success that everyone seems to associate it with.

The nights are long and the days drag. The idleness makes me face my toxic thoughts, more than what’s probably healthy. Summer used to be a time for curiosity and creativity. But a looming goal (a diploma, for one) seem to make the days now long end and dreadful.

Summer passed by in what I realized was me staring into space, finding myself: defining who I am, what I want, where I would go, and how I am to go there. The answer to why seems clear, I need to survive in this world. And when… well, the world seems to be telling me as soon as possible. (I’m hot and ready [a Hot Pocket, basically]: young and hungry, perfect to be groomed into a faceless modern person and to be devoured by this modern machinery. The thought makes me want to hurl.)

It may just be the scorching heat: dehydrating and depressing me altogether. Classes start again tomorrow and summer, although short, was wonderful. There were moments too - trips, places, memories, and stories - of youth and aimlessness. It was too much emotions compacted into 3 weeks. But what has strongly impacted me is the realization that somewhere, between my melancholy and free time, I have changed.

Maybe I just see myself differently from who I thought I was. And that scares me. Really, summer was a lot of things.