For those times you raised your hand at me but stopped yourself, I thank you.
And for those times you couldn’t, I forgive you.
I’m grown now and know the bottle’s bite
See how seconds of a clock fall like insects to the floor
Piling up all the places we should be by now.
What I don’t miss are the cigarettes
Smoking themselves all night and into the next morning
Ribbons of blue twisting slowly in a muted sun-ray
And your tired eyes, wired wide awake.
Instead I think about sitting in the bathtub
Eating oil and vinegar sandwiches, lots of mayo
While you rub my back
It was the only way I’d get clean.
Today when I speak with spite, it is your tone I hear
And when I touch with tenderness, it is your grace I carry.
This year I will be the age you were when you had me.
I will not be in AA, I will not be cheating on my loved one
But with a mouth as wide, and an appetite for chaos
Relentless as it is insatiable
Who’s to say I’m so far behind you?
All along I’ve been collecting pieces
Too heavy to carry by yourself.
They are not my choices nor my secrets
But still they are you, and so I keep them close.
It’s getting harder to tell
Where you end, and I begin.
Being Becky with the Good Hair
All the Tomatoes
Weapons in the Backyard
There's nothing attractive about a 14-year-old
I seem to have lost my center of gravity