it's almost as if you don't believe what your feeling, you make it a dream.

September 5th, 2015, 10am

As I mentioned in my previous article, people don’t like to feel right now it’s 2:34 am, and I am the best example of that article at this moment. It’s almost as if I had a premonition and, as a result, decided to write that article that I hope helps someone. For myself, I think it just sealed my fate.

I have only felt that indescribable feeling you get in your chest, that “almost painful it feels so good feeling, or to simplify things for that feeling of whether to take a step off that cliff. The cliff that you don’t know what it holds below, but you like this human so much, that you are willing to risk feeling the absolute detrimental suffering I swore I would never let myself feel again. But, here I am lying here, feeling….. Love again.

This human who has somehow miraculously found their way to the end of my maze of shattered sensitivity, and then cracked the encrypted code to my essence is going home today, it’s odd when you click with someone. Especially those very few you will meet in life, that you feel you’ve known forever. It’s not like they live far, in fact for most of us, it’s probably irrelevant where they live. The life I’ve been touched by this week could live 30 minutes away or be getting on a plane across the country and the grasping of air wanting them to stay would feel no different. Why? Because we never know if we will see them again, at any moment could be your last with anyone. We take that for granted until we have gone through the torture ourselves, the ring of a gunshot, followed by the sound of the last gasp of air taken by your lover, or the silence after an aneurysm has passed through the brain of your parent. You just never know, never leave someone in pain, don’t be reckless with a human’s heart, the last thing you want is to be the cause of their lack of resting in peace.

And I’m going to close this out with this; my predictions are right, and I believe my brain tricks my heart now, which I am so thankful for. Because yet again, the person mentioned I hung out with tonight, he’s actually laying next to me now but, the energy, feeling, and desire inside is gone.

Mariah said thanks.

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Henk Holveck

I'm just a twenty-something androgynous human. Taking everyday to learn and better myself.

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