Once a week, I get a grilled cheese sandwich, a cup of tomato soup, and a whiskey sour. Every day, if I have some extra cash, I get a pumpkin bagel with apple cinnamon smear from Noah’s. One of these is simple pleasure, the other is pure happiness to me.
The first time I had a pumpkin bagel and tried the apple cinnamon smear was the day after I bought a brand new car. I don’t really remember where I was going that morning, but I sat in the driver’s seat, bagel in hand, a warm bite in my mouth, and cried. I have two jobs, I’m two months away from my state certification and six months away from graduation, I’ve nearly paid off all my debts, and I have a new car.
I cried with a mouthful of bagel like a damned baby, but I was so proud of myself, because for once in my life I feel like I’ve finally got my shit together and my life is going in a better direction.
While everything important seems like it’s going to work out and be okay, there’s still some things I’m trying to work through. Things I can’t let go of, people I miss, places I’m hoping to see, and finding a home of my own. I’ve had some pretty heavy thoughts lately, making plans for events that may never happen, thinking of possibilities and end games, and just hoping I can fit all of this into the next few years.
I always feel like I’m running out of time, but lately it’s as if time is all I’ve got.