August 5th, 2014, 11pm

”Overwhelming” can mean so many different things.

Lately, when asked about how my new job, my new apartment, this new chapter in my life is going, all I can say is, ”Overwhelming!”

I’m not unhappy. Or dissatisfied. If anything, I should be elated. It has been a long, agonizing year, but I have finally found my way to greener pastures. My life is changing, has changed, will change. Things are looking up.

It’s just that I’m a little shell-shocked. All this change has hit me like that parking lot bar that slammed right into the crown of my head so many years ago. Like I wasn’t paying any attention, and then ”Bam!”

Except I was paying attention. I knew I was getting into something new, different, challenging. I know I’ll swim… eventually. But right now it just feels like I’m doing a whole lot of treading water, and going absolutely nowhere. I can’t see the coast, and I’m a little scared that I’ll drown before I find my way.

It is so weird that: 1) People actually expect something of me now. Other than a pretty PowerPoint slide. “No pressure,” they say, but man am I feeling the pressure. 2) No one is giving me any directions. Wait… I’m supposed to figure all this out… by myself?! 3) I have nothing to be unhappy about anymore. I have spent so much of my conscious life having things to complain about that I am suddenly lost in this feeling of… satisfaction? If I complain about anything right now, all I’d do is make myself seem snarky and ungrateful.

Life is strange. I don’t really know how to explain it. It is all just a little… overwhelming.

Luis, David Wade, Christine, Ragini and 2 others said thanks.

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Yiling Ding

Think too much. Write too little.

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