It’s sad, I dont have a picture of this moment that I am about to extend. I wish it was possible to capture the scene from my head and then tell you the story. But it’s not.
It’s my third week on a new job. I am this new employee who has hopes and aspirations. Before I got this job, I remember sitting in front my computer typing up my CV. Feeling confused about what is supposed to go into it to make it the perfect representation of who I am. But like always it’s hard. It’s hard for me to fully express my thoughts. They always come out incomplete. I am capable of so many things that I am not always able to express.
That day I typed away anyways. I didn’t take time to pore over it. I wasn’t particularly bothered about how the grammar turned out or whether all the “I”s were dotted. (silly right?) What I was really concerned about was being hit by the flow that would allow me to express myself…..
I sent out the CV and I got the job after several interviews.
It’s my third week and I am seated at the lounge of Novotel waiting for a meeting with the directors and other members of the operations team in the director’s hotel room. They say it’s called the team retreat.
We talked about several issues pertaining to the work we do and I listened keenly. And barely asked any question. Because I had learned from somewhere that if you listen well enough, you would probably never have to ask any questions.
I didn’t have a thing on my mind. Maybe I was just not critical enough or maybe I just saw no reason to question all these new ideas. Maybe I just needed to incubate for a while.
I didn’t say a word. Until Zev, the operations director, asked us to share our personal motivations. What drives us. Why kids and why books? And for the first time I divulged. I told my story from deep down. And I have always gone back to the experience again and again. I realised when you are open,and you are asked to share a story you care about. Nothing can stand in the way of going all the way.
Coming to terms with Loneliness
The going away of things
In the end
I can't seem to be optimistic about the things that would benefit from optimism. As a pessimist, my optimism is always irrational.
Fear of Forgetting
When I was a child, I realised I was invisible. I was a terrified, quiet girl who blended into the background.
Failure.We all have dreams, we are all encouraged to dream. The world is ours, all we have to do it take it.