I can tell that you don’t know me anymore. It’s easy to forget, sometimes we just forget…
I know I have forgotten most of the memories we shared, simply by the fact that I only have fond memories. I remember the places we traveled, the sunset, and just how much you believed in me, even when I did not have a shred of confidence in myself. Then I remember why you had such faith in me, my little cheerleader. I was your “project.” If you worked me hard enough and pushed me past my comfort zone, only then I could do great things. But, only then. Without your superior knowledge and expert understanding* of my entire being (*understanding is not to be confused with empathy) I would be nothing, surely! That is why I walked away.
I was terrified of course. You had conditioned me to believe I was nothing without you. What would I do without you by my side? In truth you were never by my side. You were always a step ahead. Never on an even playing field, I was always catching up. I was captivated by your confidence and direction. We could have been something great. If you hadn’t erased me.
You are brilliant and charming but left little room for me to shine. We were two bright stars competing for an empty night sky. Born on the same day, we both wanted to be the center of the universe. However as Libras, we would never balance each other out. I stepped away from the scale.
Now I’m not exactly going 0 to 60 in under three seconds (like you in your fancy car) but I am doing things according to me. Sometimes I catch myself wondering if you would be proud of me, but in the end that doesn’t really matter. I am proud of me.
Filed Under
Other moments in New York
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Espressoing
in New York, United States -
A few more days
in New York, United States -
Goodbye
A final Hi meeting
in New York, United States -
meditation, Creativity
The local neighborhood bar has a quiet time between six and nine. It is a place that specializes in coffee, beer and seasonal menus. There is just enough of each for a satisfying snack and effective buzz. After the time when the laptop lids close and before the social gatherings start -- there is a sort of twilight*. Often this time is a fugitive ground rife with creative inspiration and meditative work -- of the kind that results in personal reward.*twilight may refer to civil, nautical or astronomical variety depending on your social or terrestrial condition
in New York, United States -
Web, development
A man positions his mouse on the edge of his browser window. He clicks, holds and drags the viewport first left then right. The content of a video game promo micro site responds and adapts to the available space. To the man, this is more delightful than the game itself.
in New York, United States -
subway, music
A man laboriously moves his piano down three levels onto the subway platform. Classic vocals and strided chords -- he played so well I swore he was blind. Oblivious to the heat on that August stage, he was most in touch with his audience -- whom he elevated with his music.
in New York, United States -
Feminism
A woman should do exactly as she pleases no matter what a man may think.
in New York, United States -
Travel
As the Dalai Lama once said, "It is a time when there is much in the window, but nothing in the room."
in New York, United States -
stars, Grandma, Love
"No one understands me," she said. Her grandmother was silent for a minute. It seemed she was searching for an answer in the star speckled sky. "But no one understands anyone in this world, darling. We are all unique. It is what gives us a sense of wonder."
in New York, United States