to find my next event: what heat what lane? Please dear god lane four lane four lane four lane four, please please please lane four lane four. Aaack. Lane six. OK. Lane six. Lane six. Crap. I hate this event. I never liked this event. Why do I have to swim this godforsaken event. Is godforsaken one word or two? Lane six. It could be worse. Could be eight. I can’t go out too fast. I’ve got to pace myself. Don’t want to come in last. God. I could come in last. That cannot happen. No. Cannot happen. Think positive. Better get in the pool. Warm-up. Do I have time to eat something? It will be a fast heat. I will be pushed. Cannot come in last. Crap. Lane six.

I hate losing more than I love winning.