“You,” he looks at me sternly, “have to get used to not sleeping.”

Oh Dave, if you knew how much sleep I actually get each night!

But he’s right. And this is one much-needed kick in the ass. Thesis woes have been bothering me; I’ve been worrying (and worrying) instead of actually sitting down to do the work. I’m at that point in this graduate program where I just want it to be over—already starting to doubt if I even have what it takes, or if I’ve been dreaming too big (or too small).

My thesis advisor looks at me with disappointed but kind eyes. “Look. When I went to grad school, it was the hardest thing I’d ever done in my life. Harder than work, harder than college, harder than anything. That pain you’re feeling? It wouldn’t be right if that wasn’t there. See, it’s like going to the gym…”

“I’d much rather go to the gym,” Katie, my classmate, laughs.

Hahha. Yeah.

“Look, I know you can do it. You’ve been doing some good thinking so far. And look, you’ve figured this all out already. You just got to go do it.”

Sigh.

To add insult to injury, I managed to slip on the pavement tonight (AGAIN! I already slipped in the rain yesterday, right in the middle of Market Street with tram lights in my eyes. Wow, twice this week—must be the Universe training me for this weekend’s snowboarding trip), landing on my ass right in front of my apartment building. In front of snickering college kids. I managed to skin my knee (what am I, twelve?!), adding a bruised butt to my already bruised ego.

Made me think a lot about the work I do (and how I do it) and it all boils down to my paralyzing perfectionism. (Which leads to procrastination…!) I guess I have to throw that out the window and get ready to fall on my ass a whole lot more.

Funny, I took this photo just to get the moment, and notice now that it says “no turns”.

More like, no u-turns, Christine.

Just keep swimming!