I’ve been living and believing that I have been with the imperfectly perfect family I ever had. But wounds kept opening and I have no way of closing them permanently. I am the least pretty in the picture and I am in between everyone’s emotions. I do not take sides. I do not guarantee everyone’s wins and losses. But at times when the past kept haunting us all, I cry the most and I hurt the most. I am torn in between scars that I do not know what to do anymore.

My heart is tired of lies, of unspoken emotions, of wandering minds. We are having an invisible war and it isn’t ending soon, maybe never. I have a feeling that their laughter is fake lately. But it makes me wonder if all this time, they were faking it. What if they were? What if everything is as fragile as a stained glass and with one touch it gets shattered into pieces? What about the memories and the bonding we had? What about the things we did together?

Everything seems to be buried in the past and all evil has now taken its place in the front row? Will I be tangled with a family whose forever broken? Will I be always stuck in the middle as I believe I am but in their eyes I have taken sides of my own? If I have to restart from all this crap, I will. The problem is I don’t know where to begin. I do not know where my wits are placed and I have no idea as to what area should I replace or should I delete from my life.

I am writing this here, as personal as it is, because I am entrusting you with the solutions of me—a stranger who seeks help. I don’t even know what help I am seeking. I do not know if you’ll hear me out but I hope you will and that you could understand my position. I am in a state of insanity and I care much about my life and the family I am starting to live with. That’s why I am seeking for your say.

Thank you for listening, reading, and looking at us all.