saying goodbyes have always been difficult for me for various reasons but this is probably the worst one yet.

a week from now i’ll be back home.

“home.”

i’ve already written about my issues with that. but in the last few weeks, it’s gotten even worse.

this term has been the first time that i’ve realized that maybe i am gonna be okay. maybe this is the job for me. maybe i can be good at something — damn good, at that. for the first time, i can list concrete things people have said to me about how i have potential, how i have value. and i feel like it’s been taken away from me, even though i know and have always known that this was part of the plan. 5th december was always going to be my last day but when it came round i had no idea it was going to be like this. i had no idea that i would (god forbid i say this) grow this much and form such close bonds with people in such a short amount of time. and, since i’m leaving the continent, it feels so permanent. i worry that what has happened in london will stay in london and when i return to the states, none of this will carry over. and i can’t deal with the idea that i may never see these people again.

i guess, in this next week, i just have to make the best of it.