This was the first ever rainbow, I’d seen and that too on a trip which will be my first ever road trip where I drove through the hills, for the first time. People in love will agree (I hope, they do), that when in Love, we tend to find it everywhere. I have been by myself for a while now and I am happy about it. But there will be times when I also seek to find the ‘love’ or share the moment with the ‘love’ or tell the ‘love’ that it was my first ever rainbow. Pondering over all this, a question raised,that while I am happy as it is, then why such compulsive thinking? And one thing led to the other and certain realizations then dawned on me: -I am capable of loving: Though I doubter that I’ll be ever to do it again, I am happy to know I am willing to do it again. When I think about my died relationship, I think back to when I was in a place willing to give so much love and plant it everywhere.

-I am capable of receiving love: Before things went sour, I had this person who showered love, acknowledgements, appreciations and compliments. I am worthy of it all. Meanwhile I have a support system who continues to do that. now there is a vacancy for the ‘bae’ in that system. I am convinced that after all the drama if the rest of the support system continues to sustain, then that ‘bae’ seat will fill soon too. Plus, I am in no hurry! ;)

-I know what I now need/don’t need out of my relationship.

My relationship was a little over 3.5 years old when we decided to call it quits- many times. It was a tug of war of make up and patch up, back and forth for another 6 months when he finally told me that he is seeing someone else. At this point of time it was not about separating ways, it is more about not having any other choice. Sure, I felt so weak in my knees, hit with an insecurity pang that I felt like going on my knees and begging him to take me back, of messaging his new girlfriend and tell her he is only mine. But this guy is no toy. He has as much right to choose what he wants out of the other person as much as I did. A relationship is of two individuals, after all.

Bereft of any choice, we separated ways. For about 2-3 months I was quite untouched by the news as if I had a shield against hexes. Then it penetrated through my mind as to what had happened. And an year later to all this drama, I am comprehending all of what I said above. When I thought I wouldn’t survive any of this tragedy, when I thought that this is the end of my life, when I thought that I am unworthy of anything joyous, I discovered I am much more than all of this, that there is a better place, for I am at it.