What am I doing?

Today I am chasing a girl who sometimes loves me. Sometimes it is obvious that it will be good, sometimes she is tired of me. I am not tired of her, so it is not difficult to love her. She is one in 7.4 billion; like winning the lottery, except the award is something much more valuable than money. I feel lucky and confused.

Today I am running my business, but with no clear forward direction. Paths and paths and paths for us to choose, all of them can be right, but some of them are not right. We are a small business. When a business is small, every decision is important. We make our decisions slowly and carefully, but fuel them with passion and energy and inspiration. It feels like the right way to work.

Today I am drinking coffee. Most days of my life I drink coffee, but the coffee is not the fuel. The coffee is awakening, and awakening is inspiration, and inspiration is the fuel. I like to thank coffee for its contribution to my life.

Today I am coordinating a move across the world. Moving is a chance to start over. Like a bookshelf of unread texts, it is full of potential energy. Usually we move because we can, not because we have to. I feel scared and excited.

Today I am wanting a dog. Most days of my life I want a dog. Once I had a cat, once I had a dog. I’m excited to someday have a dog again.

Today I am feeling young and I am feeling not young. How is it we can feel both at once? So much life left to live, but so much has happened.

Today I am reading. Reading is also fuel, but a different kind. Put a gallon of gasoline in your car, and it will always take you some distance.  Reading is different.  Sometimes an entire book will bring you nowhere remarkable.  Sometimes a single word or sentence can change your life.  Today I am reading sentences that change lives.

Today I am chasing, running, drinking, coordinating, wanting, feeling, reading.