Classes are over and finals are coming up and my first year at university is coming to a close. I’m glad for it to finally be over. My first year was awful.

Maybe I had the wrong expectations. I thought I would meet lots of people, make friends, join some clubs, maybe even go out on some dates. I did none of these things. I tried. I made conversation with my classmates, I did my best to get along with people I didn’t particularly like, I even went to birthday parties, but I got nowhere. I can’t help but feel I should have done more, tried harder, but I’m done blaming myself. The only thing I definitely should have done is studied harder because I am a notoriously lazy student - I’ve been out of the school environment for 6 years, I’m used to a very different format of work, where I work hard, but being in school just isn’t my environment anymore.

So what happened? Being a 23 year old first year student living on my own amongst 18 year olds leaving home for the first time is a bit strange, and possibly had a lot to do with it. Maybe I don’t relate to teenagers anymore even though I still feel like one. I don’t remember being put off by “adults” when I was 18 but I also wasn’t exactly popular back then either. I’m a bit eccentric. I like Star Wars just as much as I like David Foster Wallace. I’ll wear a tie one day and red pants the next. I don’t really fit into any single subculture. Maybe the world of university is still a bit too categorized for me to fit in with properly.

I wish it had gone differently, but I’m not going to look back and complain. The year’s over, after all, and once again, I feel like I’ve got a new opportunity to reinvent myself. Next year, with new classes and new people to sit next to allows me to be anyone I want.

I did learn some things, but they are not what I expected to learn.

1.) Everyone Is Busy

I don’t understand this. I have a lot of free time on my hands, but I’m pretty good at managing my time. I procrastinate way more than I’d like to, but I also know how to budget my time to get things done, and once I start working, I can be incredibly productive. The thing is, it doesn’t feel like I’m actually working hard because I’m used to it, so I tend to think I’m being lazy, which makes me feel bad about how little I’m getting done. I’m incredibly ambitious, so when I lack the resources to do something, I get frustrated and blame myself for being lazy, when really, I’m doing the best I can. But not everyone is good at this. When my friends tell me they spent 12 hours at school working on a project what I hear is, “I spent 12 hours at school working on a project,” but what they really mean is, “I spent 12 hours at school. Also I worked on a project.”

What confuses me is how often I hear, “I’m busy” as an excuse to avoid going out. What happened to having social lives? How come my fellow students refuse to go out and enjoy themselves? Does my generation simply not value relationships anymore? Or is “I’m busy” code for “I don’t like you” and I should learn to take a hint and leave people alone?

I’ve always been someone who would make time for my friends pretty much no matter how many things I needed to get done. Want to get coffee? Sure, I’ll just stay up later to finish this assignment, after all, I can catch up on sleep over the weekend. Need to talk about something? Let’s talk, even though it’s after midnight and I’m already in bed. Want someone to keep you company while you run errands? I could use the fresh air. So I don’t understand when others don’t do the same. Am I not important enough to you?

There’s definitely a problem with using being busy as an excuse to avoid people. It’s rude. It really is. You’re telling someone you don’t value them over your menial errands. Seriously, you’re willing to say that? To someone’s face? You don’t think they’re more important than cleaning your floors? Ouch.

Just tell me you’re not interested in getting to know me, or that you don’t want to do whatever it is that I’ve suggested.

If you really are busy, I understand. I’m not going to intrude on your life, but at least take my invitations as a compliment that I think you’re interesting enough to put above cleaning my own floors.

2.) Nobody Pays Attention

I thought I had a bad attention span. Wow, I was wrong. Nothing shocked me more this year than noticing how many students were on their phones the entire class. Not just checking their phones occasionally, or texting each other jokes, but continuously using them non-stop right in front of the professor. Some of us (yes, myself included) were able to hide behind a laptop so we could at least pretend to be taking notes, but it amazed me how little shame people had in noticeably not paying attention. I mean we can all see you. Well, those of us that aren’t looking at our own phones can see you.

It extends beyond the classroom. We all know this already, but I’d never really noticed just how much it really happens. I can’t even describe how many couples I saw eating lunch across from each other and not even talking to one another. I really thought people exaggerated when they wrote about this. I knew it was a problem, but I didn’t know it was this bad.

I’ll check my phone during class, but at least I’m discreet about it, although that probably isn’t much better. When I’m talking to someone though, if my phone buzzes, I just ignore it. It’s not that difficult. It’s just like carrying around a vibrator that goes off without warning. (Kidding. It’s not like that at all.)

I get texts from people all the time that say, “Sorry I didn’t respond, I was at work.” So, wait, you’re saying you don’t check your phone when you’re at work? Then why do you check your phone in the middle of our conversation?

Pay attention.

3.) Nobody Even Shows Up

I always knew I’d forgotten about a quiz when I walked into the classroom to find it packed with people. I didn’t even know we had this many students in this class. Where are you all? How come you never come to class? Why are you taking this class?

Now this one, I actually get. I don’t get a lot out of professors lecturing me for an hour. I’d rather read the textbook and look things up when I don’t understand them. But I still go to class (most of the time).

Again, this creates more problems because, a) how are you supposed to talk to people if you won’t leave your house? and b) why are you paying for this education if you’re not going to show up?

4.) Romance Is Dead

Maybe the 6 month winter should be blamed, but I think I saw about 3 couples this whole year. There’s several thousand people here, how come only 6 of them got together? That’s just depressing.

Come on, guys, I need to see some hand holding to believe that humanity actually has a future.

Put down your phones and kiss each other. It doesn’t have to be a full on make out session. I promise I’m not watching you specifically, I’m just visually oriented so I notice these things. I need to awwww from time to time without having to watch bad romantic comedies.

Speaking of which…

5.) People Are Not As Progressive As They Say

I’m a straight, white male, but I’m doing my best. I support marriage equality and women’s choice and I’m outspoken about both. I hold the door open for everyone, I have a winning smile, I say please and thank you and excuse me and you’re welcome. I don’t stare at your boobs when I talk to you.

But I’m not allowed to list Buffy the Vampire Slayer as one of my heroes without being written off as oversensitive, girly, or gay.

Excuse me???

Maybe my classmates are too young still, and they haven’t been adequately exposed to enough culture. That’s fair. I was pretty horrible when I was 18 because I was still unenlightened.

I’m not saying I’m being persecuted, because I’m not. But I’d like to meet someone who thinks it’s a good thing that I like Lena Dunham just as much as I like Tarantino.

Okay, so, those are just some of the things I’ve learned. I did not have a very good year. I had a lot of struggles, not just socially but personally. But I changed a lot, and I think I’ve grown. I got a lot of opportunities in my work that I’m still trying to take advantage of. I’m a year older (yikes) and I think I’ve gotten better. I finally learned how to be a good conversationalist, I’ve gotten better at listening, I don’t judge people the way I used to. I think overall, I might look back at this year and feel like I missed out, but I won’t feel that it was a complete waste. I tried. I did what I could, stepped out. Could I do more? Yes. That’s what next year is for.

So here’s to my awful first year. Thanks, but good riddance.