So if it’s such a small sound why does the word sound so big?

I don’t know what you are talking about.

Okay let me try again. How many disasters are you a part of?”

What are you trying to get at?

Just listen to my words and answer without judgement. How many?

Depends

Depends on what?

Depends on whose perspective you are talking from.

From your perspective, how many disasters are you a part of?

None.

Okay, and from others’ perspectives, how many disasters?

A few.

Were you the cause of these disasters?

Depends

From others’ perspectives, were you the cause of these disasters?

Yes

And from your own?

Some.

How many?

One.

Is there something you’d like to remember?

I’d like to remember the good bits. I’d also like to remember the pain I have caused. I can only say this, this was my last disaster.

I can only ask you questions. Knowing that the answers will keep changing. Right now all I can say is I have the energy to ask questions but soon I won’t.

I’m thankful that you are still here and that we are still talking.

Are you thankful because you feel alone and I am here to give you company? Or are you thankful because I am trying to not see you as an asshole?

Both.

It’s really hard to convince myself against this image you have proved that you are. I have seen you at your worst and I am scared for my happiness. I can’t fight this base feeling that you in your true element are who you have proved to be. And I feel foolish trying to buy this picture you paint of yourself in the future. It’s like seeing a dog (not that I have anything against dogs) and the dog seller hands you a pamphlet saying this dog will turn into a horse the next sunday. I mean how can I buy that shit?

I don’t know why you get into all this philosophical thought. Just try and be happy with me. That’s all I ask.

It’s easier said from the other side. I can’t unsee what you’ve shown me. And I can’t hand the key of my future to a possibility of a dog turning into a horse on whose back I’ll ride out of hell. I’m sorry, yes you said you hated this philosophical shit. I guess what I’m trying to do is find a gentle and loving way to say goodbye.

What? Where did that come from.

It came from your actions, and now here I am sealing the deal on that decision. Please don’t try and find me again. I want to remember something other than nasty jibes or emptiness when I remember us. There’s a long road ahead and I can’t carry more dead weight. If you know anything about long walks, the bags feel heavier the longer you walk - so I want my bags light and full of nice things.

This is no way to begin a day.

This is no way to begin a life. I’m sorry; and good luck…I have loved you dearly and completely and now I cannot anymore.

Wait we can fix this…

Please…forgive yourself and try not to do this to anyone else.

This is the full image