I don’t like my own race I don’t know why. Maybe it is because of all the times I have been hurt by desi people or because the desi men belittle the women, and make them into a house wife. It is just not how I see the world. I am loud and kind of fearless and I am also a feminist. I am not just the average Indian/Pakistani honestly. I am too liberal for my community. I also like to try new things out. Live out in a new environment. Throughout my life, I have been surrounded by white people. So they are what I am use to. They are kind of what I am use to. They also have more freedom than me. Something I envy of them. They are allowed to enjoy life and make the best out of it. While I am ridiculed of being married in my household. How I should wait till marriage, never get a boyfriend, and be a lighter skin tone. I hate that. I wish I liked my own cultural group more but I do not. I insult white people because I feel threatened by them. Because I wear a scarf and many other reasons. I also insult them because I am attracted to white guys sadly. It is really hard for me to accept that I have a racial preference, to a race which is not the same as mine. I feel like I am betraying my own people because I like white guys. I feel so desi, because many of us having crushes on white guys and at then we end up getting arranged to other desi people. If there were maybe more attractive desis who have similar personalities as me in this continent maybe I wouldn’t end up crushing on white guys.