I Think I Was Productive Today...

May 3rd, 2014, 1am

It was 0°C with scattered clouds. The breeze was gentle.

I’m supposed to be looking for jobs. Instead I’m looking for YouTube videos and articles to read. Today I think I was productive… I did some story work on my script, I wrote an article about the social media landscape that seemed to attract some attention, I updated my LinkedIn profile, I did… tweets… you know, stuff…

I feel good about it though. Most of the time I’m pretty sure I’m the laziest person alive, but every once in a while I feel as though I’ve accomplished more in one day than I have in the last year (not true at all, but I can pretend).

The question is, what can I do to replicate that feeling again tomorrow? I hate the cycle of feeling lazy. One day’s laziness leads to the next and so on, until you’re surrounded by empty pizza boxes and unwashed dishes feeling worthless and questioning the point of your existence.

So what’s different?

Lately I’ve been thinking of making some changes. I want to change my major although I’m not completely sure to what yet, but I’ll get there. Actually I’m not even sure if I’m going to finish university, depending on where my career takes me, honestly. I haven’t written it off, but I’m not sold on three more years of student loans yet. I’m in too much debt as it is. But that’s not what I’m changing. It’s just one small symptom of the way I’m feeling.

I think I want adventure. I want to put myself out there. I really want to travel — haven’t figured out how to afford that — and be one of those free-spirited hippies for a while.

I’ve been thinking about starting dating. I’ve never been on a real date. I went out with a girl once but I never felt like I asked her out. We just sort of latched on to each other and got food and went to movies and made out after… I guess that’s a “date” but it didn’t feel like “dating.” Don’t ask me why I’m thinking about this now of all times, but I am. I ran into a girl today at the store who I think was in one of my classes, but I wasn’t sure until I left. Actually I’m still not completely sure. I might go back and ask her if she was. Everyone looks familiar to me these days.

And then, you know, ask her out and all that jazz…

The point is though, I was always too shy to put myself out there and now, for no reason, I’m kind of completely okay with the idea of being vulnerable. Like someone flipped a switch or something.

Why am I talking about this?

The point is I’m learning to take risks. Actually that’s not accurate, I know how to take risks. jumps off building (and that kids, is how you take risks) [professional stunt, do not attempt] I’m yearning to take risks. Ahhh, there, that’s better.

So I feel productive today.

Tomorrow I’ll go out for a little longer, work on a few more things, try talking to a few more people. The next day I’ll do it again. Again. Again.

I still need a job though. Whoops. That might change my plans…

Okay, ready?

takes breath

Shu, Christine, Lia, Sanna and 1 more said thanks.

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Samuel Rafuse

Journalist, culture and movie writer. Sometimes he says funny things. We're trying to make more of him but we lost the instructions. Website: samuelcharlesrafuse.wordpress.com

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