The Doctor recommends I start drinking!

April 24th, 2016, 12pm

My doctor says I must start drinking!

About 11:00 am today.

So I brought along a mixture of water and apple juice on my daily 4 mile walk. Unfortunately, the concoction looks like urine or the watery shit that will soon be dribbling out of my ass.

I’m having great fun grossing out family and friends commenting on my upcoming colonoscopy! (Dealing with a colonoscopy is infinitely better than dealing with colon cancer!)

Why not! I don’t often have the occasion to talk about such ‘shit’.

I had planned to do a ‘hamster-walk’ through Duluth’s indoor skywalk to get my four miles today. However too many portions are locked on Sunday. So I’m walking outside. The Lake is battering the city with a cold northeast gale. Walking outside is for the best, however. The switch to a low fiber diet these past four days has messed up my digestive system and transformed me into one of those odiferous old men we used to mock as youngsters.

A gale keeps the air smelling fresh.

About 5 or 6, I’ll start drinking that miracle potion which will liquefy my bowels!

I refilled the hand soap dispenser and bought a small supply of petroleum jelly to save wear and tear on the bottom side.

The handy colonoscopy hints suggest petrolium jelly or vegetable shortening fro the kitchen. Might be dangers of cross contamination going that route, don’t you think? So Vaseline it is!

I’ve mentioned my wonder previously at what doctors can learn shoving things up your butt. Now I’m reading that the bacteria biome in your gut, which I’ll be flushing out over the next few hours, can influence the chemicals in your brain. In the future doctors might be able to ameliorate mental illness by adjusting the bugs in our bellies!

In short, doctors will be able to adjust our personalities by shoving things up our ass!

David Wade and Samuel said thanks.

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Ken Jackson

An avid outdoors man. Retired and retiring, living on the shore of Lake Superior

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