On A Cold Winter's Night

November 27th, 2014, 9pm

It was -6°C with broken clouds. The breeze was gentle.

Today I’m trying to make a short film. I feel very Jarmusch-y, like I want to live inside a Tom Waits song. It’s freezing out in that good way that makes you feel more alive, but also dead cold. I’m kind of stuck in my room in the basement.

There’s leftover soup on my desk. Why haven’t I cleared that yet? I made spaghetti but it wasn’t very satisfying. I’m watching American Horror Story: Coven just because it feels right.

So far I’ve written 10 articles for my university’s newspaper, and I’m working on another two for this week. Not bad for one semester. I’ve been on a bit of a warpath in the opinions section, criticizing a lot of things. Might as well. Ironically, I get to remain somewhat anonymous even though my name is printed each week. Nobody really knows who I am - a benefit, perhaps, of being a wallflower. Not in a lonely way, I mean diabolically.

Speaking of which, I should re-watch Perks of Being A Wallflower. That movie about sums it up.

Look at me, trying to be an artsy fart. I said fart. I really don’t think that’s funny, but somehow the fact that it’s funny to other people is making me giggle. I swear almost nobody actually understands my sense of humor because I’m never laughing at what it looks like I’m laughing at. I’m some sort of meta-referencing prankster with a secret.

So this is a journal-type entry. Stop me when I start ranting.

It’s a cold winter night and I want to be able to fly so I can get a good overhead shot of the traffic lights reflecting off the snowfall. That’s how I think now, in camera movements. I’ll take it.

The most frustrating thing about mortality is that every generation or two we have to start over. I read some Dostoyevsky the other day and thought, this is still relevant, but nobody else seems to talk about that. Everyone thinks their opinion is law and everybody else’s is “just an opinion.” That doesn’t add up. Not to complain about it, it’s just that I feel like we could save ourselves some time, you know?

Anyways, my soundtrack is almost up (it’s Toro y Moi’s “Underneath the Pine” tonight - check it out if you haven’t) so I’ll finish here. It’s cold out, and I kind of love it tonight. I hated it today but now, I don’t mind so much.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have an homage to pay to some very eclectic filmmakers.

David Wade, Shu, Carlos and Christine said thanks.

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Samuel Rafuse

Journalist, culture and movie writer. Sometimes he says funny things. We're trying to make more of him but we lost the instructions. Website: samuelcharlesrafuse.wordpress.com

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