My theory on hurt is that it fills up and stores itself away because it knows that when the...

September 23rd, 2014, 8am

My theory on hurt is that it fills up and stores itself away because it knows that when the time comes we can’t really handle it, even if we tell ourselves we can. Of course, being who I was, I needed not to worry about hurt or worry or sorrow. Only joy and happiness. But the reality was I rarely felt or even saw any emotion remotely close to joy or happiness. I lived in a small country called Alliegria, where the rivers were filled with blood instead of water, and the streets were filled with more blood, fighting, and loss. My hurt was saving up for a moment like this. I could remember all of the times I had thought I’d felt hurt, but those memories were nothing, not even close to what I felt in this moment. In this moment was the great and terrible flood of agony.

6 Months Earlier

“Wendlyn Lauratye Gauendelle, your grace.” I looked up from my device at my name being called. I saw who it kneeling in front of me and immediately felt my posture straighten and smile return to my face after so long. I missed its absence.

“Bejan…” I began, and then recognizing my mistake I started again, “I’m terribly sorry. Mazewelle, I wish that you’d just call me Wendy.” I sighed. Many times Id tried to get Bejan to call me something besides my official name. I hated it especially when he said it with “your grace” after it. He also seemed to hate it when I called him by his first name, as though we hadn’t known each other our whole lives.

“I know, your grace.” At this remark I smiled sadly.

“What news do you bring Mazewelle?” At one point I had called him ‘Bea’ and he in return had called me ‘Wendy’. A child hood nickname I yearned for again. But soon we grew up and I became who I was, and Bejan took his ‘rightful place’ among others whom called me ‘Wendlyn Lauratye Gauendelle, Your Grace’.

“Just a message from His Majesty.” I rolled my eyes.

“Please commence Mazewelle.” I was not looking forward to what my father had to say to me. What ever he had to say was probably something about what I was doing wrong. He himself hadn’t actually talked to me in the last three months. Probably due to the fact that he was off “collecting and helping the citizens of Alliegria.” Although everybody who knew anything knew that he was really searching for a suitor for me. He knew that if he tried to bring any potential suitors to the castle I would make a scene, and dishonor my family and blah blah blah.

“He says that he will be returning in a few weeks.” By this time Bejan had stood up and I got a full view of him. His blonde straight hair had gotten longer and his green eyes seemed to have lost their light. His jaw was so defined that it looked like it belonged on a painting. He was normal height and had toned arms. I felt my face heat up and I looked away. The heat left just as quickly as it had come. My sad smile returned. It made me sad to see him like this before me.

“Thank you Mazewelle. You may be excused.” Bejan bowed once more and got up to leave. “And Bejan,” He turned around. When I was sure he could see me I held up my hand in the shape of a fist with my pointer finger sticking up, in the shape of the number one. Then I quickly held up my thumb with my other hand and stomped my foot quietly.

As I looked for a response from him I saw something I couldn’t quite describe. But then I was gone and he was walking away from me. I looked back down to my device. “Wendy what was that last part.”

“Which last part?” I looked down at the device. It was one that all families in Alliegria were required to have. I saw Hindys face on the screen. That’s what I called mine.

“The part with your hands and foot.” Her robotic voice answered back.

“Oh nothing, Hindy. It ment nothing. Just something I made up a while ago that I thought Mazewelle might know.” it was in fact something we’d made up together as kids. A sort of code. He knew what I had signed, I knew it.

I miss you.

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L. Mau

just trying to breathe

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