“We arrived on completely Russian streets, with Russian signs and a familiar rudeness.”
Three years ago my college boyfriend – I’ll call him A. - came to visit me in New York. By that summer it was clear that it was almost over between us, but we didn’t know how to deal with our attachment to each other and significant, by our laughable teenage standards, history.
We set out to Brighton Beach, a place where neither of us had been before, but both had a connection to: I was born in Russia, and A. was fresh from a semester abroad in Moscow.
Two trains later we arrived on completely Russian streets, with Russian signs and a familiar rudeness in deli lines. We wandered away from the thundering shadow of the main strip, which ran underneath the elevated train tracks, and found ourselves in a small triangular park.
Several children chased a ball, calling to each other in English and answering their parents in Russian. More played on a playground nearby. Men in sweatpants and wifebeaters played chess at the built-in tables, bickering with passion.
Then I noticed several elders in wheelchairs, their heads drooped to their chests. There were five or six of them. Some wheelchairs stood in a row, some faced each other, yet others were turned out at arbitrary angles, as though a single nurse had wheeled all of them out of a burning building and then forgot about them.
I hung my head and spotted a plaque right under my feet. This little triangular park was a memorial for the Babi Yar massacre of 1941[1]. These people would have been alive in ‘41. And now they lived in wheelchairs, in America. I tried to shoo away any ridiculous comparisons.
A feeling of vague embarrassment came over me; I felt guilty for being there, young and mostly happy. A. said something, but I didn’t hear what. We sat down on a bench. It was colder here, darker and even quieter, despite the noisy children at play. Their screams seemed muffled, like in space.
A boy threw a ball my way, but I was too slow to catch it. The chess-playing men looked at me with suspicion. A pack of pigeons took off into the sky. I felt suspended between worlds.
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